“All About Soccer”
My
name is Naime and I am an expert at soccer. I first started playing soccer when
I was six. My team was called “Galaxy” I know I love my team because all of my
friends from kindergarten were on my team. Whenever I play a soccer game the
coaches always put me in because I am fast.
Now
I am going to tell you how to play soccer. Soccer is a game you play with your
feet. Once in a while you can use your hands but only for a throw in. The main
point is to kick the ball into the other team’s net. This is called a goal!
When time is up, the team with the most goal wins!
To
play soccer you need lots of soccer stuff! To play a game, you need all ball,
two nets and a coach. You should wear shorts, cleats and shin guards. Cleats are
for running in hard dirt, grass or mud. Shin guards are for protection your
legs from soccer balls and hard kicks.
I
don’t have specific role model, but I hope to become a great soccer player. I
want to inspire other girls to play. If I work really hard, I might go to the
Olympics! After playing a soccer game, I like to take a break! I drink lots of
water and eat healthy foods. My name is Naime and I am an expert soccer!
Naime,
ReplyDeleteYou write very well. Your paragraphs are well organized. You avoid starting too many sentences the same way. Your explanations are very logical and clear. And you combine factual information with personal opinions in a very smooth and effective way.
My one piece of advice would be to avoid overuse of exclamation marks. (I have the same problem!) When used sparingly they add emphasis and energy to sentences like "I might go to the Olympics!". When used too often they lose their impact, and make you sound like you need to sit down and take a deep breath.
Keep writing!
Hello Naime,
ReplyDeleteYes! You are an expert in soccer! I like to play soccer too (with my students), but we do not use cleats or shin guards. Keep up the good work so that I can cheer for you at the Olympics or the World Cup!
Dear Naime, I really enjoyed reading your entry. It looks like you are a real expert at soccer. It is a good interest because it keeps you fit and healthy. I'm sure you will become a great soccer player one day!
ReplyDeleteThat was really a great post - I am going to look out for a young woman named Naime when I watch the Olympics in the future!
ReplyDeleteI loved reading what you wrote about soccer. I have a little girl who just turned 5 and we were thinking she might like soccer too because she is fast.
ReplyDeleteKeep working and enjoying soccer and you can be a role model on and off the field for other girls.
Chad
I like the way you begin with telling about yourself, then about how you got interested in soccer, and then about how to play the game.
ReplyDeleteYou lead the reader into your story and it helps me understand the game even more.
I wonder if you have a special technique that you use when you play - such as bluffing or playing very aggressively? You may be able to tell I don't know much about soccer! :)
Best wishes in getting to the Olympics!
Naime, you are not only a talented soccer player, you are also a talented writer. As your reader, I can easily understand soccer and items that a player needs. I also like how you have encouraged other girls to play soccer and that you have set a goal for yourseld for the future. Very good effort!
ReplyDeleteI love watching you play soccer and I REALLY love how you write about playing soccer! I can't wait to see how you take on FUTSAL!
ReplyDelete