“My first day of school”
On my first day of school was in Chicago Illinois. I
asked my mom, “what’s a school?”
I asked my mom, “do you stay?”
She said, “we leave for a little while and then pick you
up.
“But then I’ll be
lonely.” I said.
“There will be teachers and other kids to play with.” My
mom said.
I was a little bit scared. My mom said I made a picture
book wiht pictures of our family. I was
even scared when we were on our
way to school. When we walked inside the school, it was a pretty nice place. We
checked in and my mom walked me in.
There were already lots of kids in the class. My teachers
name was Merlin. After my mom said, “goodbye and have a great day,” I went in
with my pictures. When I was looking at my book, two girls came over and said
hello. One of the girls got something and said “Do you want to play with this?”
After all I said “yes,” I had fun after all.
Very nice flow to the story. I clearly understood where you were and how you were feeling. A few grammar fixes to be made, but overall a very nice job.
ReplyDeleteWow! This is a long story with dialogue. Even though quotation marks can be tricky, you used all of them correctly, too. You even knew to put a comma between "school" and "it." I work with adults to improve their writing; sometimes they don't get these things right.
ReplyDeleteOne thing you'll want to remember about quotations is that the first word, even if it's the only word, is always capitalized. Another one is to use a comma, not a period, before "said."
Was there only one teacher named Merlin? If so, it's time to learn another piece of punctuation, called the apostrophe so you can write "My teacher's name was Merlin."
You must have some great stories about moving from Chicago, Illinois to Portland, Oregon. I hope I get to read them also.
Violet, you did a great job with the dialogue. I could easily picture the conversation between you and your Mom.
ReplyDeleteI would love to know more about your first impressions of the school. You say that it was a "pretty nice place," but I'm not sure what that means. I would like to know what you saw when you entered the school and how it made your feelings change.
I'm glad your story had a happy ending!
-Sarah