When I woke up this morning I was excited to go ice
skating, I thought I was going to be good at it, but I wasn’t that good at it.
When I got in the ice skating ring I felt scared. My heart started beating
really fast, but then I tried to do it. After a little practice I got better at
skating.
On my first day of school I felt scared that I wouldn’t
make one friend, but I did make some friends. When I got to school I felt
scared. My heart started beating really fast, but I had a good day of school.
Thank you for sharing those two stories with us! Sometimes it's hard to come up with just one! In your next blog, try not to use the same words and phrases over and over. Try to think of new ways to say the same thing. Sometimes that's hard, but see what you can do.
ReplyDeleteHi Cory, thank you for sharing your stories! Your piece is very well written. I have a couple suggestions to make it even better. First, think about your comma placements. Most of your sentences include commas in the right place, but there are some that are missing. To help you think about where the commas should go, read the sentence out loud. Where you naturally stop or pause in the sentence is probably where the comma should go. Also, check the sentences that seem long and see if you can break them up into two. Read it out loud and see if you can find two complete sentences in one. Your first sentence is a good example for both suggestions. Good luck and good job!
ReplyDelete