Then my mom got a call from my doctor I was scared. He
said, “ Lexi has to get a flu shot.” The next day my mom and I went to the
doctor. My heart was beating as fast as an elephant stomping.
When my doctor called my name I knew It was my turn. When
the needle went in my skin it hurt but before I knew it it was over. I’m still
afraid of flu shots.
I love Lexi's elephant metaphor, very creative! I would suggest that she include an introductory though. She also needs some help with comma usage.
ReplyDeleteI love your story, Lexi! You have a great sense of writing. For example, well done with remembering that the correct way to list your mom and you is by placing yourself last and to use "I" and not "me".
ReplyDeleteTo make your piece better, I suggest you read the piece out loud or very slowly. It will help you find spelling and punctuation errors. Check for commas and periods. There are a couple missing in the piece, but overall very well written.