“My first time ice skating”
When
I woke up in the morning I was quite awake; I was not that hungry at breakfast.
I was ice skating for the first time, I thought I was going to get hurt, I
thought I was going to break an arm.
It
appeared I was good at it. My nanny helped me put on the skates. I went through
the middle, I was at Lloyd center. When I got home I was relieved to be home.
Good job! I am glad you didn't get hurt when you were ice skating!
ReplyDeleteNatalia and Sacha
In the first paragraph, your description really helped me understand how scared you were. I had some questions after reading the second paragraph. How did it feel when you first stepped onto the ice? Did you ever fall? Will you go skating again?
ReplyDeleteWow! You were good at ice skating your very first time. I am impressed. The first time that I was on ice skates I was very wobbly.
ReplyDeleteI can understand that you felt relieved to get back home.
I am curious about why you went ice skating. Was it at a party? Were you taking a class?
were there other people there who were skating for the first time?
Crossing Rebecca
Great writing Simon! An interesting start, telling us how you felt on the day, and like your skating; keep practicing your writing and you will get better and better.
ReplyDeleteNicely done, Simon! I went ice skating with my daughter (Evan's sister) this weekend at the Lloyd Center. It is scary to think about falling, but when you practice and get good, skating is really fun.
ReplyDeleteWow you are brave, I still have never gone ice skating!
ReplyDeleteThink about the time line of your story what happened first, then second, etc. It will help with the story's flow.
It would have been nice to learn a little more about your experience at the rink!
Also some commas should likely be periods.
Good Job :)
Great job Simon! You'll have to try again soon!
ReplyDeleteMom
Simon I'm so glad we got to go ice skating together! You did very well ��miss you lots!
ReplyDelete