When
I got my dress on, and the grownups stopped talking, I got so nervous. My head
was pounding with excitement. I went into my living room. What song was I supposed
to sing? Oh no, I forgot the song!
I
just stopped and sat there looking around at people. Finally my dad announced
the song, so I remembered the song and began to sing. Then the song was over
and people were clapping and cheering for me. My family was so proud of me, I
was also proud.
I
was so proud of myself after the song was all over. So from that day I wanted
to be a singer.
Ella, I really like how you started your story in the middle of the action. I like how you used descriptive words like "nervous," "excitement," and "proud" that show how your feelings changed.
ReplyDeleteDo you remember what song you sang? Do you still sing that song?
-Rose
Ella, you did a great job of showing how it was hard at first but you were able to do it anyway. I would try not to use "got" twice in the first sentence - maybe I WAS so nervous.
ReplyDeleteElla, I loved how you built up the suspense right away. I immediately wondered what would happen next: Would you remember the song or not?
ReplyDeleteYou also did a great job painting a picture of the scene. I felt like I was standing in your shoes, feeling nervous! The story pulled me in right away and I was hoping you would be successful.
That was very nice of your Dad to help you out!
-Sarah