Violet
“Cutting down trees”
If
we cut down trees there won’t be enough forest for animals to live in and its
bad for the air we breathe. It is a
problem on Oregon because an Oregon lumber is a big business. The bigger the
business the more trees get cut down. If all of the trees get cut down the air
won’t get clean. If nobody does anything about this problem the animals won’t
have any homes. We will lose the big business
and we will have dirty air. Being more responsible and planting more
trees will help solve this problem. The Oregon government is working on solving
this problem. One government solution is by protecting the forest land. My plan
is to try not to use too much paper a day. This is going to help the problem
because every single piece of paper is made out of wood I think this is going
to help a lot.
This is a very well-written, well-structured paragraph by Violet. She has done an excellent job of outlining the negative impacts of losing trees in Oregon, in a very clear and convincing way. Then she provides both general information about how the the problem might be addressed, and how she personally will be making changes to help save trees. As far as descriptive language goes, there could be a bit more - but only because that was the assignment. For the purposes of this paragraph, I think the level of description is perfect, as its purpose seems to be to inform rather than to describe, and the subject matter is rather broad. A different, more narrowly-focused topic might lend itself better to using more descriptive language, such as describing a scene, a person or an event. I think Violet as done a fantastic job, and that she is a very good writer! Keep up the great work, Violet!!
ReplyDeleteThis is very well written. I can tell you thought about this a great deal and probably did some editing, too! Great job, Violet!
ReplyDelete