I was in a forest hiking with my Nana and Gary. I felt a soft breeze on my face and I heard birds in the distance. Once we were at the edge of the forest we saw a wide river. The name of the river was The Deschules.
I put my finger in the rive, the water was quite cold. We saw a bridge and went across it to the other side. We saw lots of trees as we walked back a different way then before.
We took out our map, I was tired so we walked back to our cabin. We were still walking to our cabin when we spotted a raccoon in the trees. It had dozed off to sleep. When we got back to the cabin I dozed of to sleep too!
Jack!
ReplyDeleteI love your descriptions! I can feel the breeze on my face and the cold river on my hand. Keep up the good work, buddy.
Jack,
ReplyDeleteGreat story. Can you describt to me further how it felt to have the breeze on your face, your finger in the river, and being so tired? What was it like walking through all those trees? Tell me about your excitment on seeing a racoon. You have a great story to tell. Please tell more.
Jack,
ReplyDeleteI really enjoyed reading your story, and your details are excellent, but there's room for you to elaborate. What time of year is it? Who is Gary? Why are you hiking in the forest? What are the colors of trees, birds, and river? What do those things remind you of? Elaborate on the atmosphere and how it makes you feel.
To put it simply, think of the ways you experience the world (sight, touch, sound, smell, hearing, etc.) and allow your work to revolve around those experiences.
Good job though! Keep up the good work