“Salmon river”
I
love being at the Salmon river on a rainy but not day. The rain feels ice col
among the fiery not sun. The river is on the edge of a dark green pine and reddish,
green maple tree forest. The forest has a camp ground that I have camped in
many times. The river is as loud as six garbage trucks and as cold as a winter
frost on a morning of the last day of winter. I have gone across the river and
felt the rocks on the other side, the feel as hot as if they were boiled on the
hottest burner on the stove.
All
of the things I see are hikers on the hills and some birds with orangish blue
feathers. The air smells sweet and salty, sometimes it smells like burnt rubber
from the camp fire. When you cook on the fire it tastes better than when you
cook food on any stove you might have at your house but sometimes it tastes
like ashes and coal. At night it is like a rain cloud is hovering inside your
tent pouring on you all night. Come join me at the Salmon river on a rainy but
hot day.
Adelle,
ReplyDeleteI am so happy that you are trying to support wild salmon!But it is also really hart braking that salmon are getting extinct.
Ella.
Hi Adelle,
ReplyDeleteI really enjoyed your story! Your words and descriptions really brought the river, the forest, and the people and animals to life. I felt like I could see, hear, smell, taste and touch all of it. I especially like all of the vivid colors to describe the trees. Thanks for doing such a great job of putting me in your shoes. I can see why you like this place so much.
I hope you continue to write these kinds of stories! You've got a knack for it. People like me are lucky to read it. When you write your next great story, here are a few ideas to make it even better:
(1) Once you finish writing, go back and do a quick re-read of what you wrote. I noticed a few places where I think you meant to spell a word differently (cold was missing the d) or you meant to use a different word (hot instead of not).
(2) To paint an even clearer picture, maybe tell your story as though the reader is walking first by the river, then through the forest and eventually into the campsite. That way, the reader experiences all the places in the order you would and really feels like he (or she) is in your shoes.
Thanks again for letting me read your story,
Matt
Hi Adelle,
ReplyDeleteI really enjoyed your story! Your words and descriptions really brought the river, the forest, and the people and animals to life. I felt like I could see, hear, smell, taste and touch all of it. I especially like all of the vivid colors to describe the trees. Thanks for doing such a great job of putting me in your shoes. I can see why you like this place so much.
I hope you continue to write these kinds of stories! You've got a knack for it. People like me are lucky to read it. When you write your next great story, here are a few ideas to make it even better:
(1) Once you finish writing, go back and do a quick re-read of what you wrote. I noticed a few places where I think you meant to spell a word differently (cold was missing the d) or you meant to use a different word (hot instead of not).
(2) To paint an even clearer picture, maybe tell your story as though the reader is walking first by the river, then through the forest and eventually into the campsite. That way, the reader experiences all the places in the order you would and really feels like he (or she) is in your shoes.
Thanks again for letting me read your story,
Matt
I like how you say that it might taste like ash and coal.
ReplyDelete