Troy took his dog for a walk while his big sister fixed the car. His dog tried to chase a squirrel.
Troy tried to hold on the dog’s leash,but it was to hard to hold on. The dog leaped toward the squirrel and on the edge of the stream,but he missed and landed in the stream.The squirrel climbed a tree.Troy yelled,”Help Help!”.His sister saw his dog and grabbed a tire and tied a extra leash. She threw the tire into the stream to help the dog.The dog climbed the tire.
Point: Your story is very creative. I really like the part where you mention the dog accidentally falling into the stream. "The dog leaped toward the squirrel and on the edge of the stream, but he missed and landed in the stream." It is silly and scary at the same time.
ReplyDeleteQuestion: I would like to know more about the stream. Is the water moving very fast? How big is the stream? Is the water very deep? Are there rocks or fish in the stream?
Katie B
Hi Jesus!
ReplyDeletePoint: I really liked your writing, especially the sentence where the dog landed in the stream. "The dog leaped toward the squirrel and on the edge of the stream,but he missed and landed in the stream." It was very descriptive.
Question: I'd like to know more about the dog. What kind of dog was it? What colour?
Good job!
-Hannah
I like how you included the speech "Help Help!" as it really brought your story to life! I also like how it has a happy ending.
ReplyDeleteDo you have a dog? It seems like you do because this story shows how much you care for animals. If you don't, then you must just be a caring person!
from Gemma
Nice story, very exciting! Make sure you remember to put a space after commas and two spaces after periods. Keep up the good work!
ReplyDeleteI liked the part when the dog jumped for the squirrel but missed and landed into the stream. It was a funny part! "The dog leaped toward the squirrel and on the edge of the stream,but he missed and landed in the stream."
ReplyDeleteI would like to know what happens after the dog climbed on the tire. Does he float back to land? Does he fall off the tire and into the stream again?
-Sophia
My dog loves to chase squirrels in the park, and sometimes I lose hold of the leash too. Luckily there are no streams nearby. That was really smart of the sister to tie a leash to the tire to help the dog out.
ReplyDelete