Saturday, April 14, 2012

Lucia


    Legend has it that there was a dragon named Epose 2. This dragon was huge black and green. This dragon lived in a cave near a village in China. The people in the village were very frightened of Epose 2. The people were frightened because Epose 2 always burned  down the village.
    One day Epose 2 decided to go for a walk in the creepy woods. On his way he met a little girl. The little girl’s name was Lu. One night Lu was walking to school. When she was walking she fell into a pit.
    After a while, Epose 2 was flying in the sky and Epose 2 spotted Lu was stuck in the pit.
    “Help me!” Lu yelled.
    “I’ll save you.” Epose replied.
    So Epose 2 flew down to the pit and saved Lu.
    Since Epose 2 saved Lu, people in China celebrate dragon day. They celebrate dragon day by dressing up like dragons and dancing. People in China celebrate dragon day by doing many more things but these are a few of the things.
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2 comments:

  1. AnonymousApril 17, 2012 at 5:30 AM

    This is a delightful and engaging story.

    Suggest you expand the first meeting between Epose 2 and Lu and develop that relationship. Avoid two sentences with the same beginning because it is too repetitive--you have two sentences in a row, beginning with "This dragon . . ."

    Suggest combining these two sentences:They celebrate dragon day by dressing up like dragons and dancing. People in China celebrate dragon day by doing many more things but these are a few of the things. A stronger statement is: People in China celebrate dragon day with many activities, including dressing up like dragons and dancing.

    Good work.

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  2. AnonymousApril 18, 2012 at 2:35 PM

    Hi Lucia,

    This is such a beautiful and inspiring story, I truly enjoyed reading it!

    Point: I liked the fact that even the most frightening creature can have a big heart when it comes to saving someone in danger, especially a kid. Bravo!

    Question: I would have liked to read more about the first encounter between Epose 2 and Lu in the creepy woods. How did they become friends?

    Keep up the good work, I'm sure you'll become a great writer!

    Ilhame O.

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