Samarana Four square has two main rules. One rule is no holding. You cannot hold the ball for even one second. Another rule is no redo. No one can ask for a redo. These are the two main rules.
Your writing has a very clear structure to it - You say that there are two rules, tell us what those rules are, and then re-cap. Organizing your writing like that is important.
I'd love if more details were added to this piece. To do that, you might want to imagine that the person reading your piece has never even heard of four square. Someone who hadn't wouldn't even know that it was a ball game until your 3rd sentence! Just imagine you're writing for a real dummy - who doesn't even know what a "re-do" is and fill in as much information for this person as you can.
Hi Samarana - Thank you for being brave and sharing your writing. I do like that your instructions for four square are short and to the point. I think it would be helpful if you added more description to your paragraph, though.
For example, what is four square? I know what it is because I have played it in school. But what if someone has never heard of it before? Is it a board game that you play on the table? Is it a game that you play at recess?
Also, what is a "redo?" There are no redo's in four square, but briefly describe what this means. Does it mean that you cannot throw the ball a second time if you missed the first time?
I hope you find these suggestions helpful. Have a great day and I hope you continue to share your work!
Samarana,
ReplyDeleteI love this work, it is simple and to the point, you did really well I would just add to maybe add some imagery to your work :)
Samarana,
ReplyDeleteYour writing has a very clear structure to it - You say that there are two rules, tell us what those rules are, and then re-cap. Organizing your writing like that is important.
I'd love if more details were added to this piece. To do that, you might want to imagine that the person reading your piece has never even heard of four square. Someone who hadn't wouldn't even know that it was a ball game until your 3rd sentence! Just imagine you're writing for a real dummy - who doesn't even know what a "re-do" is and fill in as much information for this person as you can.
i like this and you should have add a little more
ReplyDeletefrom:lanaireoje
to:samarana
Hi Samarana - Thank you for being brave and sharing your writing. I do like that your instructions for four square are short and to the point.
ReplyDeleteI think it would be helpful if you added more description to your paragraph, though.
For example, what is four square? I know what it is because I have played it in school. But what if someone has never heard of it before? Is it a board game that you play on the table? Is it a game that you play at recess?
Also, what is a "redo?" There are no redo's in four square, but briefly describe what this means. Does it mean that you cannot throw the ball a second time if you missed the first time?
I hope you find these suggestions helpful. Have a great day and I hope you continue to share your work!