Jackson woke up this morning.
“Jackson breakfast is ready and don’t forget Melina is coming over.” His mom said.
Jack had a little problem he ran if he is exited. Knock, knock! When that was Melina is here.
“Wee!” Jackson shouted.
“Jackson stop running!” mom said.
“Ok.”Jackson replied.
“Hi Melina!” Jackson said with a grin hello.
“Are you ready for the best day ever?” Melina asked.
“Yes Jackson replied.”
Jackson was a liger as well as Melina.
“Let’s get our breakfast,” Melina said.
“Chomp!” Jackson sounded.
“Jackson don’t cut the hag!” Melina yelled.
“Sorry I just love smoked seal.” Jackson said.
“I know you favorite show is starting.” Melina called.
Hello welcome to another episode of terrors of the haunted house!
“Oh no it’s the mummy that eats up little ligers!” Jackson cried.”
“Time for a nap,” Melina called.
“No I’m not tired yet,” Jackson cried.
And Jackson yawned his way to sleep. He dreamed about a 50 foot smoked Seoy. Crash! went his dresser. “Bang” went his bed.
“Wake up Jackson,” Melina called.
“I’m so…” Jackson replied.
Just then Jackson’s mother arrived.
“Hello Jackson, where’s the babysitter?” Mom asked.
“Here I am, “Your son has been a good liger.” Melina said.
“Well that’s good.” Jackson’s mother replied.” “Have a nice good night,” Melina said.
Reese,
ReplyDeleteThis is a very creative story! I love the use of exclamations and sounds throughout the story. Your story makes a clear picture to the mind of the reader, I just want to say to work on the flow of your work to make it clear and to work on your punctuation and grammar; other than that you are a very creative writer and I can clearly see that :)
Reese, you've written a really good short story. I like the details that you chose to include, such as the television show Jackson was watching and what Jackson ate for Breakfast.
ReplyDeleteWhat does Jackson like to eat for lunch and dinner?
Hi Reese. This is a very creative story - I like the way that the story rattles along at a pace, in the same way that Jackson is running along.
ReplyDeleteIs a liger meant to be a cross between a lion and a tiger? Sounds very fierce in any case!
-- Peter
Jackson sounds like quite an exuberant liger -- I suppose that's what happens when you are a mix of two big wild cats! You did a great job of using synonyms for your dialogue words. Instead of reading "Jackson said" and "Melina said" all the time, your use of "cried", "shouted", "asked", and "called" kept it interesting and helped describe your characters to the reader.
ReplyDeleteI wonder how Melina felt when she went home? It's another story altogether =)