I
like going to the mountains on a cold day. You only feel a nice breeze on your
face. You see skiers and snowboarders going down hills. You see white snow
everywhere and a blue sky.
You
hear people saying “woo hoo!” You see snow on top of tall trees. You see a lot
of people wearing gear.
Snow
feels the cold on your hands. I throw the snow ball in the air. It looks like
little snow flakes. Come join me in a snowball fight.
Lovely piece overall! Definitely allows the reader to visualize the situation Marquis is describing. He did a nice job addressing the senses of touch, sight, and hearing. He could improve upon what he has started by adding in descriptions of smells and tastes; rounding out a five senses theme. Structurally, his paragraphs could be broken up better by keeping each with a theme of the sensory experience being described.
ReplyDeleteI like how you used quotation marks.
ReplyDeleteMarquis,
ReplyDeleteI like how you used three paragraph.
From De'corey and Lexi
Marquis,
ReplyDeleteI love your nice writing. You have wrote a lot more writing then the first day of school. Great work Marquis,great work.
Your best friend,
Lexi