My alarm rang but I was already awake. It was going to be
the first time I went to Enchanted forest and I was full of excitement. In the
afternoon my cousin Eliyes came over, we had lunch and we were off to Enchanted
forest.
When we got there we had to go through a castle. The castle was
blue sign that said, “don’t feed the dragons matches”. Then we got to the
rides, the first one we went on was the Bob sled. We went into a mountain,
there was a troll there. When we did all the
lids it was time to go. I couldn’t wait to come back!
To: Mason
ReplyDeleteFrom: Ian
Thank you for sharing your experience with us. Believe it or not, there's an amusement park called "Enchanted Forest" near my home in New York. Reading your short story reminded me of going there when I was your age because you captured that feeling of excitement very well.
In your excitement, you may have forgotten to separate each idea into its own sentence. For example: "Then we got to the rides, the first one we went on was the Bob sled." You could use a period instead of the comma and capitalize "the" to break these two different ideas apart.
Keep writing! The more you do it, the better you'll get. You're already very good at it. Practice makes perfect!