It was my first time flying
in an airplane. My godmother came too, we got on the plane. It started to move
and I screamed. I was sitting by two girls that were going to a wedding. They
were nice and they talked to me.
When I was flying I bought
a lot of stuff. I bought: a Coca cola, gold fish, crackers, gummy bears, and a
Sprite. Finally we were there in New Orleans. I was so happy to get off the
plane.
That sounds like quite a trip. Because you put all the events in order, the story was easy to understand. We have something in common. My very first airplane trip was to New Orleans when I was six years old.
ReplyDeleteI can tell that you have learned about capitalizing proper names (Coca and Sprite) and about commas for items in a series. Those are important techniques to know.
The next thing to learn is about commas to set off parts of a sentence when you reverse the usual order. For example, you could have written, "I bought a lot of stuff when I was flying." That would be the usual way. In your more interesting sentence that begins, "When I," comma should go after "flying."
You used a colon (:), which is very sophisticated punctuation. While colons are helpful in writing, many writers use them too often. Your sentence about the purchases on the plane would be better without it.
Thank you for sharing your story.
Dear Sarahinez,
DeleteI went when I was 8 years old.
From MarQuis
Marquis,
ReplyDeleteWe have never been to New Orleans, but we have been on a plane before.
From,
Elena and Lily
Dear Marquis,
ReplyDeleteMy big sister goes to collage in New Orleans. She loves it their. She has a lot of friends their.New Orleans is a cool place to be. Nice writing Marquis,nice work.
You're Best friend,
Lexi