Lexi
Narrator:
There once was a park without a playground. The kids only got to walk around
and not do anything, a lot of adults saw that and called the mayor.
Woman:
(on the phone) I would like to have a playground for the park we have in town.
Mayor:
(also on the phone) No because I don’t like kids because they’re too nice.
Woman:
We’ll then I’ll get people to help me. You are very, very mad.
Narrator:
The next day that woman got people from her neighborhood and the fire
department.
Woman:
Let’s get to work now, ok?
Everyone:
Ok!
Fireman
# 1: Where would you like the slide?
Woman:
Oh, look at the plans.
Me:
Where do you want these heavy monkeybars?
Woman:
Right there. (She points to her left)
Fireman
# 5: Where do you want the ladder?
Woman:
Over there. (she points to her right)
Woman:
We’re done but we need kids.
Narrator:
so Lexi got kids and the mad mayor was mad, but the kids got a playground. And
they lived happily ever after.
“The End”
Lexi's piece of writing is excellent, she has explained really well why the kids need a playground. It has a good start, middle and end. I would suggest to improve, it needs a title and needs to be read out loud just to check for any spelling errors. A really good piece of work though.
ReplyDeleteDear Ms.Smith,
DeleteThanks a lot for writing to me. You wrote a pretty great suggest. I had forgot to write a title. I would also like to thank you on telling me my writing piece was
excellent.
From,
Lexi